Season 3, Episode 13: Revolving Doors
Awards by Coops


I guess poor Filbertfox was tired this week, and so skipped the recap.  But we've still got Awards, and you can always check out the official summary. —jt


Top Dog of the Week
Di was on top form, playing with all her colleagues for sport.

Jim covered for Di's domestic violence with the best of intentions. I think.

Twatting Twat of the Week
The Julies. Falling for the old "your mate's dobbed you in" trick? Honestly.

Mark. Talk about brains in your trousers.

Helen rates a minor Twat for the ongoing flirting with Dr Yes Yes. At least there was no shagging or even snogging (Betts take note).

Weedy Pigeon of the Week
Gina. Not only does she have a set of files surgically attached to her hands, her bloke shags barking Barker and then dumps her.

Shaz. Something's got to give soon or she'll go the way of Rachel Hicks.

Spin Doctor of the Week
Di was absolutely blinding. She got Bodybag onside; flirted outrageously and with great success; set Mark wondering about Josh; and even had the gall to comfort Gina in her hour of need before delivering the coup de grace.

Worst Girl of the Week
Big Bully Al.

Buki. Slimebag collaborationist. She has to get her comeuppance soon, please.

Best Line of the Week
Bodybag: My Bobby's idea of a romantic gesture is to take his socks off before he gets into
[so he's still alive, then]

Julies: Bollocks, more like.

Di: Why would I do something like that?
Gina: Have you got four hours?

Bodybag: Don't blame me if I'm off work tomorrow.
Julie S: Well that's one good thing to come out of this, anyway.

Fenner re Julies: They're like a couple of homing pigeons, those two.

Yvonne: You two got no sense of direction? The exit's that way.

Virginia re Bodybag: You know what that woman needs? An orgasm.

Worst Line of the Week
Gina: Sad really. Still, we can't all have pulling power, can we? [Big mistake. Big. Huge.]

Betts: What's all this "your place"? It's our place now. [pass the bucket]

Di: I swear on my mother's life I didn't do it. [says it all really]

Mark to Di: I'd rather have a wank.

Warring Faction of the Week
Di and Gina.

Shaz and Al.

Best Performance by an Extra
Hurrah! The return of Ken, gate guard - last seen supping a pint and signing out Nurse Ford. Let's hope that baldy Glen is next to get a starring role.

Sight of the Week
The return of Di Barking looking sexy! Obviously the time off did her a power of good. Not only did she rid herself of her poor old mum, but she rid herself of the dodgy and increasingly tightly curled hairstyle. Notice the direct correlation between her hair and her state of mind.

Sound of the week was Bodybag's long-suffering sigh before assisting Virginia into bed. It hasn't featured in ages.

Yvonne descending the stairs in her dressing gown like Norma Desmond.

Larkhall Miracles and Mysteries
Crystal you big wuss! What happened to the woman who stood up to Dockley & Denny, wrote to The Guardian, and grassed herself up in order to get extra days? Marriage is turning her soft!

Bit suspect that the Julies got their old cell back; you'd think they'd start back on Basic.

God forbid we should see anything of Nikki or hear any mention of Caroline. I know Wade'll be keeping a low profile, but invisibility is pushing it.

And still no Lauren Atkins!

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