Season 2, Episode 8: Babes Behind Bars
Recap by Coops

Synopsis

Dominic's back from holiday in Ibiza (can't see him as a raver though *g*), and comes across Josh & Crystal chatting. Josh tells Crystal to think about getting out on Friday and start letting go of Zandra. Crystal is not impressed and storms off.

Zan's still in pain, but brightens when Dom comes to see her. She tells him about her visit to the hospital.

Karen talks to Shell before returning her to the wing. Shell is still worried about the safety of her children, and Karen arranges for her to see her mum the next day, in order to confront her about the abuse she suffered as a child.

Yvonne is reading the paper when she sees an advert for phone sex lines. It gives her an idea. Via Denny, she arranges for Josh to bring in 4 mobile phones; and gets Babs to set up a website advertising "Babes Behind Bars". *lol* The Julies and Denny volunteer to take part. Yvonne gives each of the girls their mobile phone, telling them that they are set up to vibrate instead of ring - they like this idea! They are to wear earpieces and pretend they are listening to music.

In the garden, Nikki is tending to "tomato plants" when Babs joins her. Babs is not fooled, and when Nikki says she is planning to destroy them, Babs offers to take the responsibility of supplying them to Zandra to help ease her pain. She used to grow her own for her husband. Nikki: I really don't get you Barbara. One minute you're Mrs Middle England, and the next you're offering to be a drugs mule - I mean excuse me?!
Babs: I only obey rules I respect, Nikki, which in this place, I assure you, means very few.
*lol*

Karen tells Dom that the hospital thinks Zan has a malignant brain tumour, and she needs to have an urgent scan. Dom is visibly upset. He goes to see her, telling her only about the scan.

Babs gives the cannabis to Crystal, saying she'll need to dry it in the oven before giving it to Zandra. Crystal is shocked and throws the gear in the rubbish.

Karen helps Shell face her mum, Rita, but once together, Shell lets her mum do all the talking. Only when she's about to leave and is having a go at Karen does Shell step in. She tells Rita that Karen knows about the abuse, then says she's going to tell Social Services so they'll take her kids away. Rita blames Shell's dad and Shell walks out. She thanks Karen for her support, and back in her cell, takes the photos of her kids, kisses them, then tears them up.

Josh & Crystal make up, and he tells her that he loves her.

Zandra heads off to the hospital with Dominic. When they return they go to Dr NoNo who's had a fax from the hospital. In medical language he tells her she has an inoperable brain tumour. Dom asks him to speak plainly, and he says: "...she may die in months rather than years."

Shell is tarting herself up again, telling Denny that Miss Betts is alright, and anyone who says otherwise better watch out.

Karen & Dom meet with Dr NoNo. Dom starts giving him a hard time but Karen intervenes. She tells him that Zan may be able to get released on temporary licence.

Crystal asks Babs & Nikki for more cannabis, but Babs hasn't any left. Nikki tells her to ask Josh about smuggling things in.

Shell is suspicious of the girls' earpieces, and when she discovers no music coming out of it, she makes Denny tell her all. She tells Yvonne she wants in on the deal. Julie J has to give up her phone to Shell.

Zandra is still in a lot of pain. Dom tells her about the temporary licence, but Zan has nowhere to go. Dom suggests she ask Crystal, who is due out in a couple of days.

Crystal confronts Josh about the smuggling. He apologises and says it'll never happen again; but she asks him to meet a nurse friend of hers. Zan tells Crystal about the temporary licence, and asks to stay with her & Josh. Crystal doesn't answer.

Denny gets her first call, and is disgusted by the punter. She gives him a mouthful of abuse and hangs up on him, but he calls back - saying he wants a "bad-mouthed bitch"!

Crystal gets the painkillers from Josh, who tells her he has resigned to start a new life with her away from prison. She asks him very subtly about Zandra staying, and he is glad it can't happen. He'll be waiting for her tomorrow at the gate. Crystal passes on the painkillers to Zan, saying "the Lord showed me the way". Next day she goes through the bins to get the cannabis.

While Babs is cleaning in the officers' room, a note is slipped under the door. She passes it to Di - it says Crystal keeps drugs in the servery. When Dom & Di open the oven, they find the cannabis leaves. Karen gives her a bollocking and adds days to her sentence, sending her down the block. Zan is stunned and they start laughing. Super-fast Di says "you did this on purpose, didn't you?" Poor old Josh is left standing at the gate, ring in hand. 

Awards

Top Dog of the Week
Lots of all round good eggs this week, especially Karen though she may regret getting Shell back to her old self.

Twatting Twat of the week
Denny spilling the beans about Babes Behind Bars to Shell - Yvonne won't be happy with that. Has she shown where her loyalties really lie?

Weedy Pigeon of the week
Zandra - finally diagnosed but still in agony.

Spin Doctor of the week
Crystal manages to get days put on her sentence for drugs but comes off as a hero 'cos it's all for poor Zan.

Worst Girl of the week
Dr "NoNo" Nicholson - useless NHS reject.

Best Line of the week
Slim pickings this week without Bodybags's one-liners.

Karen: Leave it!

Karen: Can we not talk about killing people?

Nikki: I really don't get you Barbara. One minute you're Mrs Middle England, and the next you're offering to be a drugs mule - I mean excuse me?!

Denny: Shit! It's wobbling!


Worst line of the week
Dr NoNo: ...she may die in months rather than years.

Warring faction of the week
A caring, sharing, family atmosphere pervades G Wing this week, with the absence of both Bodybag and Fenner.

Sight of the week
Yvonne hauling Josh's lunchbox (ooer) up 3 stories - it's a long way to Enhanced.

Yvonne's impression of Bodybag - scary!

Larkhall Miracles and Mysteries
The artroom is turning into a hotbed of intrigue - after last week's tender moments, it's now hosting Yvonne's scheming crew.

Since when has Nikki been a drugs baron? Still, it's about time she did something useful in the gardens. And at last we had a brief glimpse of the potting shed - although Denny coming out of it was a bit of a shock - it's our Nikki's domain.

Can anybody picture Dominic as an Ibiza party boy? *lol*

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