Season 2, Episode 4: Looking for Love
Recap by Coops


OK, so it didn't have Helen or Nikki, but it was still pretty good!

Sylvia Hollamby is parading round in a surgical collar, playing the martyr more than ever. An unsympathetic Betts reminds her that an investigation has already been carried out and "nobody saw anything". Fenner is not happy with the tasks Betts is assigning him, including transfer of prisoners and supervision of urine testing.

Josh is still trying to chat Crystal up, without much success. He gives Denny a letter to pass on, and Crystal is quite touched, until she sees him talking to Shell Dockley. Shell comes on to him but he turns her down.

Denny is still worried by her mum not turning up for visiting. Yvonne tries to cheer her up, but Bodybag interrupts and tells her to get out to work. The hospital rings to say that Denny's mum has been admitted after being knocked down by a car. Betts agrees that she can go and visit her, accompanied by Di Barker.

Julie J receives a letter from her daughter, telling her that they are moving back to London. Zandra is dragging around moaning about her headache, but isn't receiving much sympathy.

Fenner tells Karen that he is starting grievance procedures against her, claiming "unprofessional conduct". He says he is going to tell Stubberfield about their sexual liaison, and is disappointed when she doesn't seem bothered.

Dominic is now Shell's personal officer, and she flirts heavily with him. Later she entices him into her cell by telling him she's seen cockroaches, and removes her dressing gown, saying she wants to give him "a personal welcome". Good old Dominic of course runs a mile. Is Shell losing her touch?! He reports her. Betts tells her she's worth more than that.

When Denny and Di arrive at the hospital, Denny wants to buy her mum some flowers, but she only has a fiver. Di chips in for 10 of roses, bless her. When they get to the ward they discover that Jessie discharged herself that morning. They go to the hostel in Hackney (East London) to find her, but she's not there.

The Julies hear Crystal turn Josh down, because she thought he was chatting Shell up. They have a go at Shell, calling her an "evil little slut". She is clearly losing the plot fast, repeating the insult to herself in the mirror, before burning herself with her cigarette.

Fenner and Stubberfield are playing golf together! He is sticking the knife into Betts, claiming that she has got it in for him because they went to bed together at the conference. Fenner is gutted when Stubberfield tells him that he already knew. He suggests Fenner should not "try and have his cake and eat it".

Denny and Di are on the way to the taxi rank when they find Jessie in a park. She is pissed as a fart. Denny tries to talk to her but Jessie turns abusive. She tells her to piss off back to her cell, saying that Denny was nothing but trouble and that she never wanted her in the first place. She has blown Yvonne's money on booze.

The Julies confirm that Crystal likes Josh, and Julie S reads her tea leaves! They then start matchmaking, setting up an intimate dinner for two in the laundry room! Zan and Yvonne assist.

Fenner backs down and tells Betts that he is dropping the complaint. Stubberfield had already told her about the game of golf! She tells Jim that she doesn't trust him and that she'll be ready when he next steps out of line.

Denny is really upset and Yvonne (who, IMHO, just rocks) comforts her. Yvonne tells her that you can't buy people's love, and that she needs to have self-respect before others will respect her. Di Barker is on visiting duty when Jessie turns up, clean and sober. She fetches Denny. Jessie apologises, promising to stop drinking and saying she's going into detox. Denny tells her that she'll see her in a year, and if she's still sober, then she'll think about it. She doesn't want to hear from her until then.

Zan gets Crystal to come to the laundry room, and Josh is waiting at a candlelit table. Zan serves the orange squash, and the Julies provide bangers and mash. They get on well until Josh goes to kiss her, but she lets him hold her hand instead. The Julies are watching through the keyhole, and nearly get caught by Di.

Betts has organised some group therapy sessions, and Denny, Zandra and Shell are put forward to attend. Bodybag is critical as ever, and Betts slaps her down. Fenner says it's now every man for himself. He later approaches Yvonne, saying that he can get a private room for her next time her husband visits, in return for a few hundred quid. 


Top Dog of the Week
Karen Betts is greatly developed this week. She shows Helen's compassion (eg allowing Denny to visit her mum) plus her own touch of steel (top handling of the Fenner situation, outmanoeuvring him with Stubberfield; slapping down Hollamby after one snide comment too many).

Di Barker - still too nice for her own good, but looks after Denny and even subs her for her Mum's flowers.

Twatting Twat of the week
Bodybag - she just won't learn will she? Despite parading round in a surgical collar, playing the martyr more than ever, she is still happy to have a go at Denny. She also has some nerve to stand at the top of a flight of stairs when Yvonne's in close proximity!

Fenner is made to look a fool by Karen and responds by offering private visits to Yvonne and her husband. He must be mad; Yvonne is twice as dangerous as Shell will ever be.

Weedy Pigeon of the week
Denny, who is first pleased to discover her mum had a good reason for not visiting, only to find that she's back on the booze. She even raises her hand to Atkins, but has the sense to stop short. Yvonne comforts her and tells her to learn some self-respect; she finally shows a bit when she tells Jessie to come back in a year, if she's still on the wagon.

Spin Doctor of the week
Karen Betts for turning a disastrous one-night stand into a trump card.

Worst Girl of the week
Nobody stands out as being quite bad enough for the honour this week. Must try harder.

Best Line of the week
Shell: Just thought I'd give you a personal welcome, seeing as you're my personal officer.

Shell: It's not a crime having a slippy dressing gown, is it?

Julies: Bloody rubbish, bloody rubbish, Place this is, place this is, Bodybag and Fenner, Who'll give me a tenner, To wipe 'em out, wipe 'em out
[to the tune of Frere Jacques]

Worst line of the week
Shell: Wait, don't you want me to be your little girl? [now you're just humiliating yourself love]

Fenner: Men are vulnerable in women's prisons, aren't they Dom? *rofl*

Fenner: I like to keep my distance.

Warring faction of the week
Denny & Jessie - quality acting from both ladies, disappointing if they don't get together again this series. Still it's another thread to pick up in BG3 - we hope.

Sight of the week
Julie J doing Julie S's hair - what did she look like?

Jessie on Pilsner Special- another top performance by Denise Black.

Crystal sitting down to a candlelit supper with Stan Collymore-lookalike Josh.

Larkhall Miracles & Mysteries
Shell being upset by the Julies. Is this the same murderer who has spoken such choice lines as: "Do it or I'll cut your tits off"? Self-mutilation follows; last week she was pulling her hair out, now she's stubbing her fag out on her hand. She is losing the plot big time. Let's hope she finds it again soon as any showdown between her and Yvonne should be memorable.

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