Season 2, Episode 4: Looking for Love
Recap by Coops
OK, so it didn't have Helen or Nikki, but it was still pretty good!
Sylvia Hollamby is parading round in a surgical collar, playing the
martyr more than ever. An unsympathetic Betts reminds her that an
investigation has already been carried out and "nobody saw anything".
Fenner is not happy with the tasks Betts is assigning him, including
transfer of prisoners and supervision of urine testing.
Josh is still trying to chat Crystal up, without much success. He gives
Denny a letter to pass on, and Crystal is quite touched, until she sees
him talking to Shell Dockley. Shell comes on to him but he turns her
Denny is still worried by her mum not turning up for visiting. Yvonne
tries to cheer her up, but Bodybag interrupts and tells her to get out
to work. The hospital rings to say that Denny's mum has been admitted
after being knocked down by a car. Betts agrees that she can go and
visit her, accompanied by Di Barker.
Julie J receives a letter from her daughter, telling her that they are
moving back to London. Zandra is dragging around moaning about her
headache, but isn't receiving much sympathy.
Fenner tells Karen that he is starting grievance procedures against her,
claiming "unprofessional conduct". He says he is going to tell
Stubberfield about their sexual liaison, and is disappointed when she
doesn't seem bothered.
Dominic is now Shell's personal officer, and she flirts heavily with
him. Later she entices him into her cell by telling him she's seen
cockroaches, and removes her dressing gown, saying she wants to give him
"a personal welcome". Good old Dominic of course runs a mile. Is Shell
losing her touch?! He reports her. Betts tells her she's worth more than
When Denny and Di arrive at the hospital, Denny wants to buy her mum
some flowers, but she only has a fiver. Di chips in for £10 of roses,
bless her. When they get to the ward they discover that Jessie
discharged herself that morning. They go to the hostel in Hackney (East
London) to find her, but she's not there.
The Julies hear Crystal turn Josh down, because she thought he was
chatting Shell up. They have a go at Shell, calling her an "evil little
slut". She is clearly losing the plot fast, repeating the insult to
herself in the mirror, before burning herself with her cigarette.
Fenner and Stubberfield are playing golf together! He is sticking the
knife into Betts, claiming that she has got it in for him because they
went to bed together at the conference. Fenner is gutted when
Stubberfield tells him that he already knew. He suggests Fenner should
not "try and have his cake and eat it".
Denny and Di are on the way to the taxi rank when they find Jessie in a
park. She is pissed as a fart. Denny tries to talk to her but Jessie
turns abusive. She tells her to piss off back to her cell, saying that
Denny was nothing but trouble and that she never wanted her in the first
place. She has blown Yvonne's money on booze.
The Julies confirm that Crystal likes Josh, and Julie S reads her tea
leaves! They then start matchmaking, setting up an intimate dinner for
two in the laundry room! Zan and Yvonne assist.
Fenner backs down and tells Betts that he is dropping the complaint.
Stubberfield had already told her about the game of golf! She tells Jim
that she doesn't trust him and that she'll be ready when he next steps
out of line.
Denny is really upset and Yvonne (who, IMHO, just rocks) comforts her.
Yvonne tells her that you can't buy people's love, and that she needs to
have self-respect before others will respect her. Di Barker is on
visiting duty when Jessie turns up, clean and sober. She fetches Denny.
Jessie apologises, promising to stop drinking and saying she's going
into detox. Denny tells her that she'll see her in a year, and if she's
still sober, then she'll think about it. She doesn't want to hear from
her until then.
Zan gets Crystal to come to the laundry room, and Josh is waiting at a
candlelit table. Zan serves the orange squash, and the Julies provide
bangers and mash. They get on well until Josh goes to kiss her, but she
lets him hold her hand instead. The Julies are watching through the
keyhole, and nearly get caught by Di.
Betts has organised some group therapy sessions, and Denny, Zandra and
Shell are put forward to attend. Bodybag is critical as ever, and Betts
slaps her down. Fenner says it's now every man for himself. He later
approaches Yvonne, saying that he can get a private room for her next
time her husband visits, in return for a few hundred quid.
Top Dog of the Week
Karen Betts is greatly developed this week. She shows Helen's compassion (eg
allowing Denny to visit her mum) plus her own touch of steel (top
handling of the Fenner situation, outmanoeuvring him with Stubberfield;
slapping down Hollamby after one snide comment too many).
Di Barker - still too nice for her own good, but looks after Denny and
even subs her for her Mum's flowers.
Twatting Twat of the week
Bodybag - she just won't learn will she? Despite parading round in a
surgical collar, playing the martyr more than ever, she is still happy
to have a go at Denny. She also has some nerve to stand at the top of a
flight of stairs when Yvonne's in close proximity!
Fenner is made to look a fool by Karen and responds by offering private
visits to Yvonne and her husband. He must be mad; Yvonne is twice as
dangerous as Shell will ever be.
Weedy Pigeon of the week
Denny, who is first pleased to discover her mum had a good reason for
not visiting, only to find that she's back on the booze. She even raises
her hand to Atkins, but has the sense to stop short. Yvonne comforts her
and tells her to learn some self-respect; she finally shows a bit when
she tells Jessie to come back in a year, if she's still on the wagon.
Spin Doctor of the week
Karen Betts for turning a disastrous one-night stand into a trump card.
Worst Girl of the week
Nobody stands out as being quite bad enough for the honour this week.
Must try harder.
Best Line of the week
Shell: Just thought I'd give you a personal welcome, seeing as you're
my personal officer.
Shell: It's not a crime having a slippy dressing gown, is it?
Julies: Bloody rubbish, bloody rubbish, Place this is, place this is,
Bodybag and Fenner, Who'll give me a tenner, To wipe 'em out, wipe 'em
out [to the tune of Frere Jacques]
Worst line of the week
Shell: Wait, don't you want me to be your little girl? [now
you're just humiliating yourself love]
Fenner: Men are vulnerable in women's prisons, aren't they Dom? *rofl*
Fenner: I like to keep my distance. *roflmao*
Warring faction of the week
Denny & Jessie - quality acting from both ladies, disappointing if they
don't get together again this series. Still it's another thread to pick
up in BG3 - we hope.
Sight of the week
Julie J doing Julie S's hair - what did she look like?
Jessie on Pilsner Special- another top performance by Denise Black.
Crystal sitting down to a candlelit supper with Stan Collymore-lookalike
Larkhall Miracles & Mysteries
Shell being upset by the Julies. Is this the same murderer who has
spoken such choice lines as: "Do it or I'll cut your tits off"?
Self-mutilation follows; last week she was pulling her hair out, now
she's stubbing her fag out on her hand. She is losing the plot big time.
Let's hope she finds it again soon as any showdown between her and
Yvonne should be memorable.
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