Season 2, Episode 12: Facing Up
Recap by Filbertfox

Synopsis

Well, it's been a long time coming, but finally we see Nikki in the potting shed, and, miracle of miracles, Helen is seen walking towards her...our cup runneth over!! Well maybe not, because as soon as the luscious lifer espies everyone's favourite piece of Scottish totty, she pulls that patented Wade sulky face and leaves with an armful of bedding plants...

Helen : Hi Nikki.
Nikki : (In a tone about as welcoming as a pissed off Rottweiler) Hi. (Walks straight past Helen)
Helen : (After a momentary pause, follows Nikki into the garden totally undaunted) I spoke to your solicitor last night, she reckons we'll get the go-ahead this week.
Nikki : Great. (Unenthusiastically)
Helen : I thought you'd be pleased.
Nikki : Yeah well, my appeal's not exactly big on my mind at the minute, not since I found out about your date with Dominic. (Stops walking and turns to confront Helen)
Helen : What are you talking about?
Nikki : You went out for a curry with him didn't you?
Helen : So?
Nikki : So why didn't you tell me about it if that's all it was?
Helen : Probably to avoid a reaction like this.
Nikki : Oh well great, just rams it home to me doesn't it? What a huge part of your life I am. (Walks away leaving a very pissed off Helen in her wake)
Helen : (Catches up with Nikki) I went out to talk about work if you really must know.
Nikki : Did you?
Helen : Not that I have to explain what I do to you!
Nikki : Fine!
Helen : Do you know what? Sod you Nikki! (Storms off)


Nice one Nikki, that one went down like a lead balloon!!

Wait for it, wait for it!!! Hugely cringeworthy Di Barking moment coming up as Dominic walks, late, into an officer's meeting...

Dominic : Sorry I'm late, I got caught up with probation.
Di : God! They're all after you aren't they Dominic?


Di then lets the cat out of the bag about Dominic's meal with Helen in front of a very interested looking Karen...but then its business as usual as Karen informs the other officers that Fenner and Bodybag are both going to be off for a week. After bringing the meeting to a close, Karen leaves the office and Dominic runs to catch her up. It seems that the boy wonder is concerned that he's pissed Fenner off, Karen informs him about Fenner's wife doing a bunk and running off with all of the furniture, Dom is understandably concerned, but not as concerned as Karen...oh shit, she can't be, can she?

Later, a repentant Denny and a giggling Shaz are up in front of Karen for a bollocking...

Karen : I hope you've each had a good think about how stupid you've been, because if I hear about any more antics from you two I'll have you split up for good, do you understand me?
Denny : Yes Miss, sorry Miss.
Karen : (Pissed off as Shaz is attacked by the giggle monster) Sharon?
Shaz : I'm only laughing 'cause there's us saying we'd done murder on her and all it took were a nut! Well, you gotta laugh ain't ya?
Karen : (Not laughing) I think there's something seriously wrong with your attitude if you think that's funny!
Denny : She don't really Miss.
Karen : Of course, since Renee Williams' death leaves us with a vacancy for toilet cleaning duty, let's hope you see the funny side of that too.
Shaz : (Now not laughing) Eh?
Karen : (To Di who is grinning like a loon in the background) She can start straight after her meeting with Miss Stewart.


As Di shows Shaz and Denny out of the room, she is surprised when Fenner turns up, Karen questions whether or not he is ready to come back to work to which Fenner replies...

Fenner : There's sod all point staying at home in an empty house.

Anyway, on to Helen's office and her meeting with Shaz. Helen puts on her caring face of the prison service and tries to relate to how Shaz is feeling...

Helen : Okay, so what I'd like to do today is for us to talk about why you're in prison and how you feel about it.
Shaz : Okay. (Like, what's the bloody point of all this crap, I'd rather be watching paint dry)
Helen : (Tries another direction) It must still be quite a shock, facing up to it. (I'm sorry Helen fans, but the way she's so obviously trying to relate to Shaz as a person is soooo cringeworthy)
Shaz : I'm cool about it, it's alright in here, well, most of the time. I just wanna know, when's the Karaoke, 'cause so far like nada!
Helen : That's not what I'm asking.
Shaz : What? You've took it off for good?
Helen : Look, you're in here because you're responsible for the deaths of three people and an unborn baby. What I'd like to know is how you're coping with the knowledge of that.
Shaz : I didn't mean to kill nobody did I? It were an accident, I'm just glad that two of 'em were old already.
Helen : Why's that?
Shaz : Well they probably would've been dead soon anyway wouldn't they?


And so it continues.

Out in the garden, Dominic catches up with Nikki and asks her if she's seen any of the maintenance men, it doesn't take him long to realise that Nikki's monosyllabic answers and the gritted jaw mean that she's pissed off with him (wonder why), but Dominic, being Dominic, doesn't make an issue of it and disappears leaving her to wheel her bedding plants across the yard in peace.

On the wing, Karen and Helen are having a pow-wow about Shaz, Helen relates her concerns that Shaz hasn't yet faced up to her crime and informs Karen that she has a plan to force the issue. Karen meanwhile, is more interested in Helen's night out with Dominic...

Karen : Oh, I meant to ask you, what's all this I'm hearing about you and Dominic McAllister?
Helen : And what's that?
Karen : Di Barker told us all about your hot date.
Helen : Did she? Well, the only thing hot about it for me was the curry sauce.
Karen : (Smiles knowingly) Oh, well maybe he's the slow burn type.


Helen favours Karen with a grin that says, 'Yeah right, we both know I wouldn't touch him in a month of Sundays' and then departs.

Di has lunch with Dom and immediately starts plying him for information about Helen...Dom refuses to be drawn into admitting his feelings and instead makes some excuse about wanting to get into the policy making side of the Prison Service because 'it's there you can change things', Helen is helping him with that apparently...poor Di, she really is looking more desperate by the minute.

Helen comes onto the wing to speak to Shaz, on the way to the 4-bed dorm she passes Nikki and blanks her completely, leaving our luscious lifer looking bereft. Anyway, Helen's on a mission as far as Shaz is concerned, she announces her intention to set up a meeting between her and one of the relatives of her victims...Shaz of course looks at Helen like she's just stuck a pair of knickers on her head and announced she's from the planet Zog and refuses point-blank, that is until Helen loses her temper and points out the fact that 'if you don't do something soon to improve your record you're going to be cleaning a lot of toilets for a very long time!'

Helen emerges from the 4-bed dorm in the wake of a very pissed off Shaz and again, makes a point of blanking Nikki, in fact, this time she turns her head away to make it obvious. Also in the queue are Shaz and Denny...

Denny : What she want you for?
Shaz : Mental! She wants me to meet one of those poisoned oldie's families.
Denny : What? Those you...(looks towards Helen with a 'you're taking the piss' expression on her face) kidding man!
Shaz : Wicked innit?

Meanwhile, Nikki can take it no longer and makes a dash through the gates to the wing...

Nikki : Miss Stewart? (Waits until the corridor is clear) I want to apologise. (Despite the fact that Helen looks about as accommodating as a malnourished piranha and refuses to make eye contact) What I said, I'm sorry.
Helen : Well I hope you are because I don't want to be spoken to like that ever again.
Nikki : I just couldn't help feeling jealous.
Helen : Why? Did you honestly think that I was trying to get off with Dominic?
Nikki : He fancies you!
Helen : So? There's lots of women in here fancy you, should I be jealous of them?
Nikki : It's not the same.
Helen : Why?
Nikki : Because you...you're the only woman I want, but you could decide that you want a man as well.
Helen : I won't be dictated to how and when I can see my work colleagues so you'd better stop thinking that I'm so fickle about what I feel about you!


Okay, so it's not exactly a declaration of undying love, but it's the closest we and Nikki are going to get for now...and, as Helen leaves the wing, we yet again see Nikki trying to ease her flip-flops out of her mouth.

Later, at dinner, the Julies are anticipating Crystal's forthcoming release but she's depressed about the fact that Josh won't be there to meet her, the Julies are sympathetic because 'you two was made for each other', this only seems to make Crystal worse and she flees the servery.

Meanwhile, Shaz decides that it would be a reet good laugh to fake a choking fit, she's very convincing too, because Di Barker (who is still reeling from the Renee Williams incident) runs over and starts to pat her on the back with a panicky look on her face (she's obviously never heard of the Heimlich Manoeuvre, which is a pity really because Shaz looks like she could do with a sharp prod in the diaphragm!!)...of course it's not long before Shaz collapses in hysterical laughter...

Shaz : Suckers!!!

...and so do a lot of the wing, but it's obvious that some of the other inmates are completely unimpressed...

Julie S: Piece missing.
Julie J: Big piece.


Understandably, Di completely flips and orders an unrepentant Shaz back to her cell, when Shaz refuses point-blank, Dippy Di turns to Fenner for support...

Di : Mr Fenner, will you tell her to do what she's told?
Fenner : You can tell her yourself can't you?


...which leaves Shaz thinking she's got one over on Di who stands there flapping as ineffectively as a fish out of water.

At her flat, Helen is studying case files when Dominic turns up at the door completely unannounced...smart lad's obviously done his homework though because he's bearing alcohol, and, as we all know, Helen's as weak-willed as Jessie when it comes to turning down drink. Dominic makes some excuse about wanting to 'pick up where we left off the other night' and Helen allows him in...meanwhile, screams of horror are heard around the country and a fatwa is issued on Dominic by Nikki fans.

Back at the prison, there's mayhem on the wing as a completely shown-up Di Barker is trying to order the inmates back to their cells without much success...Fenner meanwhile, is fagging it in the officers' room, in fact, when Di turns up to give him a piece of her mind, you expect him to do a Wayne Slob and yell irritably, 'I'm 'aving a fag!'. Anyway, as far as Di's concerned, Fenner's ruined her credibility with the inmates and it's up to him to sort out the mess...

Di : Jim, I'm sorry, but I need an explanation from you.
Fenner : Do me a favour.
Di : I asked you for back-up out there!
Fenner : Yeah? Well go and back yourself up eh?
Di : (Completely aghast and one step away from throwing herself to the ground in a complete paddy) Are you drunk?
Fenner : I'll tell you what I am, I'm pig sick of sloppy bloody women telling me what to do! (Walks to the door)
Di : Where are you going?
Fenner : Out!
Di : You can't!


Back at Helen's flat...

Dominic : Thought you'd be taking your work home with you.
Helen : Do you think that's sad?
Dominic : I admire you Helen


...and while sounds of BG fans throwing up at such a cringeworthy attempt at arse-kissing can be heard in the background, Dominic goes on to talk (extremely earnestly) about how he admires what Helen is doing and about how he wants to be involved in that particular area of the Prison Service. The talk moves on to Dominic's background and we learn that he was offered a place at Warwick University to study sociology and politics but had to turn it down because his Dad lost his job and his Mum fell ill, leaving him to support them both.

At the prison, Di is obviously at the end of her tether as the inmates still refuse to return to their cells, better watch it girls! It won't be long before she runs amok with her chainsaw!! Funny though, you would've at least expected that bastion of respectability, Babs, to have returned to her cell, but there she is, still standing on the wing with Nikki...but not for long though, Nikki announces her intention to make a phone call...oh shit!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Meanwhile at Helen's flat...

Helen : Can't be easy though, still living at home.
Dominic : I won't be soon, my mate's offered me a flat share and I'm gonna go for it.
Helen : Good, because it can't be that easy with girlfriends.


(Couple of things to notice here, 'Turn' by Travis can be heard playing in the background, nice attempt at subtext there, and, whatever possessed Helen to buy that revolting throw in lime-green velour which can be seen on the chair that Dominic is sitting in??? She was obviously suffering from 'vodka vision' when she purchased it!)

Anyway, back to the conversation...

Dominic : I only go out with rich ones with their own places, usually means that they're a bit older, but I like that.

My God Dominic!! How much more obvious can you be?? In fact, it's a wonder we can't see his tongue dragging along the carpet he's that desperate...obviously he's been spending too much time in the company of Di 'bunny boiler' Barking...Helen, however, completely misses this blatant attempt at a chat-up line and ploughs on regardless...

Helen : The secret life of Dominic McAllister!
Dominic : And you only go out with posh blokes with their own businesses.
Helen : Past tense.


An uncomfortable silence follows as Helen finally realises what the 'Great White Hinter' is up to...

Helen : Anyway...

The phone rings, and, as Dominic is the nearest, he flies out of his chair to answer it before Helen can react...oh shit!!! It can't be, can it???

Yep, I'm afraid it is...as Dizzy Dom drops the phone, he apologises and Nikki hears his voice. Dom hands the phone over to Helen, but Nikki, with that classic 'face like thunder' expression on her face, puts the phone down as soon as Helen says 'hello'...the look on Helen's face is a picture when she realises who phoned her.

By the look on Nikki's face, it's obvious that her paranoia is back with a vengeance and then some...Helen is also distraught, knowing that Nikki is now thinking the worst but she can't make a fuss about it in front of Dom who is still hanging around like a wet weekend in Scarborough...

Dominic : (Watching Helen put the phone down) Did I cut them off?
Helen : Don't worry, I hate it when people hang up.
Dominic : Well do you want me to check the number?
Helen : No no...anyway...it doesn't matter...


Dominic takes this as the cue for a kiss and pounces, but Helen pulls away before he can make lip contact...

Helen : Don't.
Dominic : (Realises what a prat he's been) Sorry...I thought...
Helen : (Turns away from Dominic) Shit!
Dominic : I'd better go.
Helen : (Turns around) No, don't.
Dominic : (Shakes his head and sits down) I'm sorry, I just got carried away, it won't happen again...I...I just read it all wrong, it's no big deal.
Helen : No, it's me, I just should've told you that I'm in love with someone else, that was a phone call.
Dominic : Who is he?
Helen : It's not a he, it's a she. (Pauses to let it sink in and then delivers the second half of the double whammy) Nikki Wade.


Anyway, while Dom recovers from the shock of a lifetime, Helen pleads with him not to tell anyone, he's understandably stunned and more than a little pissed off but agrees.

Back at the prison, Nikki decides not to change the habit of a lifetime and is throwing a strop in her cell...

Barbara : For God's sake! What's got into you?
Nikki : Helen bloody Stewart!


Good old Babs tries to calm Nikki down but it's all to no avail...

Nikki : I've had affairs with straight women before, they don't know what truth means they're so used to manipulating men! Why should she be any different?
Barbara : I think you're just proving exactly what you warned me about, that prison makes you paranoid. I think you should calm down and take your own advice!


Back at the flat, Helen sees Dominic out, she watches him leave and then turns away from the door, mouthing the words 'f**king hell!', understatement of the decade Helen my love!!!

Even after Barbara's words of advice, it's a sleepless night for the fair one as she lies there looking moody and more than a little magnificent in a very nice black vest. The next morning, Dominic tries to explain and Nikki ends up sounding like something off the 'Fast Show'...

Nikki : 'Did you get what you wanted? Did you?' (All that's missing is the 'suits you sir!')

...anyway, Nikki makes it obvious that Dominic's wasting his time...

Nikki : You little shit!

...and he gives up.

In the 4-bed dorm, Shaz and Denny are doing a remix of 'Kumbaya'...

Shaz & Denny : Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbaya...me Lod!

Crystal, predictably is completely unimpressed...

Crystal : I'm just glad I'm getting out of here soon and I hope they put another Renee Williams in here to share with you.
Shaz : Wouldn't bother us, we'll just poison her again, eh Den?


Dom unlocks the door then...

Dominic : Out you come.
Denny : Out and proud right Sir?


Whooops Den, not the sort of thing to say to a man who's just found out that the totty of his dreams prefers skirts to a nice pair of trousers these days!!!

Karen catches up with Fenner and has a word with him about the incident with Di, she also makes an issue of his drinking and time-keeping and again suggests that he might be better off taking some time off...

Karen : I'd rather have you at home and bored than in here making an arse of yourself.

Fenner apologises and the talk moves on to St Marilyn of the Cardigan, Karen makes it obvious that she's fishing for information about whether or not they'll be getting back together, Fenner realises this and the pair share a bit of a moment...oh shit!! This and the fact that Karen looks more than a little wistful as the conniving shit walks away has completely ruined my day!!

Helen tells Shaz that she's arranged for her to meet with Mrs Foster, the widow of one of the people she killed, Shaz is as ambivalent as ever, but the more Helen talks to her about what she should be expecting, the more Shaz gets wound up until in the end it's obvious that the prospect of the visit is affecting her more than she's letting on.

After speaking to Shaz, Helen wanders down to the garden to speak to Nikki who is taking refuge amongst her bedding plants...

Helen : Nikki...
Nikki : Recognition?

Helen obviously started this off with the intention of apologising but Nikki is well and truly in 'Kevin the Teenager' mode and gets Helen's back up with the first sarcastic word out of her mouth...when will she learn??? But Helen, to give her credit, decides to humour Nikki...

Helen : Nikki please, give me a chance to explain, I didn't invite Dominic round last night he just turned up.
Nikki : Let him in though didn't you?
Helen : I couldn't not let him in.
Nikki : No, of course you couldn't.
Helen : Look, do you want to know what happened or not?
Nikki : (Looks up from her bedding plants and rounds on Helen furiously) Helen, I'm really glad for you, must be a great relief to you to know you can still pull the boys! (This comes out as 'pull der boys'; Nikki has obviously fallen into streetwise pissed off mode) Now why don't you just piss off you two-faced tart? (Turns back to her bedding plants)
Helen : (With a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, grabs Nikki by the arm) Just a minute! You are still my responsibility and you better get it into your head that if you don't want to jeopardise your appeal you will talk to me in line with prison rules!
Nikki : Or what? You'll report me?
Helen : Don't push me any further Nikki!
Nikki : Yeah? Well now you've ruined my plans I don't give a shit about my appeal anymore, but don't worry, I won't forget to call you Miss!
Helen : I am so sick of you!


Helen gets up and leaves and a tearful and pissed off Nikki thrusts her weeding fork into the ground, unfortunately, her hand gets in the way and she kebabs it...almost as yukworthy a moment as the de-crutching scene last series.

Just a quick word about that altercation...okay, so we can understand why Nikki is pissed off, the poor sod has just spent the night thinking that the woman she loves has been playing 'hide the sausage' with Dominic...and, you can also understand Helen's point, she's made a genuine attempt to explain but Nikki, being Nikki refuses to listen...But...what is the dealie with insisting that Nikki treats her with the respect due to an Officer of the Prison Service?? Talk about kicking the poor woman when she's down!!! Anyway, the effect is that we really do feel for Nikki while Helen comes off sounding like she could give Maggie Thatcher lessons in how to be a cold and heartless control freak!

In the locker room, Di is still up for 'Persistent psycho of the month' and continues to try to attract Dominic's eye...this time she compliments him on his motorbike - 'I'd love to have a ride on it sometime', about as subtle as a 'Carry On' film there love!! Dom mumbles something about 'needing a spare helmet' (Oh please!! With all this innuendo flying about all we're lacking is Sid James yak-yak-yakking in the background!!!) and flees for his life...Di is left looking wistful and is then paid a visit by Fenner who apologises for his behaviour the night before, Di is determined to spin out the drama though and has a go at him, she's obviously pissed off because by the time she's finished making her point, her voice has travelled so high that only the dogs can hear her!! Fenner persists though, citing the fact that 'I'm having problems at the moment' and in the end, Di accepts his apology.

In the 4-bed dorm, Crystal is again holding the religious moral high-ground as Shaz prepares for her meeting with Mrs Foster...

Crystal : You'd better pray that she forgives you child or you're gonna burn in hellfire!

Shaz, as usual, hides her concerns behind bravado and Crystal is again left shaking her head disapprovingly.

In the officers' room, Dominic runs into Helen, he apologises for what happened the other night and then starts banging on about courses. It takes him a while to work out that Helen has other things on her mind and he asks her if she's okay, Helen admits that she's having a 'tough time with Nikki', citing the fact that she's convinced that 'I was getting off with you'...they discuss this further but are interrupted by Di Barking who immediately thinks that she's walked into the middle of a romantic tryst...

Di : Sorry if I was interrupting something.
Dominic : Forget it.
Di : Did she say something to upset you?
Dominic : I'm not upset.
Di : Yeah, but you seem upset to me.


Out in the corridor, Karen compliments Fenner on his aftershave and he informs her that he's apologised to Di...for a moment, it looks like they might snog, but they are interrupted by the arrival of more officers in the corridor...Shit Karen!! What do you see in an oily tosser like him when you can have me???????

Up in the hospital wing Nikki is getting her hand seen to, the nurse is sympathetic...

Nurse : Looks like you've had a right old go at yourself here

But Nikki is not in the mood for sympathy and responds with her usual brand of well-mannered reply...

Nikki : I'm not a slasher if that's what you mean, it was an accident!

Anyway, the two fall into conversation while treatment is given and Nikki apologises for 'being an arse'...the nurse guesses that the problem is partner related...

Nurse : Gone off with somebody else?
Nikki : Bingo!


...the nurse confides in Nikki about her own problems...it turns out that her boyfriend is Australian and was deported back to Oz when his visa ran out, leaving her to pay off all of their debts...she confides in Nikki that she's planning on taking extra shifts so that she can afford to save up to go out there to join him. It's a nice scene, and it induces a very nice smile and a 'good for you' from Nikki, but it's hard to see what's the point of it all...oh well, I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later.

Mrs Foster arrives (ecky thump!! Corrie viewers will recognise her as Maud Grimes, obviously being away from the Street has done her some good because she's regained the use of her legs...Tiny Tim walks again! God bless us one and all!!!)...she immediately starts as she means to go on and insists that she's not going to speak to Shaz through a glass window...Helen helps Mrs Foster re-arrange the chairs into a more 'intimate' setting because 'I'm not having her thinking that I'm scared of her'.

Shaz arrives and Helen introduces her to Mrs Foster as 'Sharon Wylie', Shaz, who is eyeing Mrs Foster up and down, corrects her...

Shaz : It's Shaz.
Mrs Foster : (Holds her hand out to an incredulous Shaz) Pleased to meet you Shaz.


Down on the wing, Nikki, with a freshly bandaged hand, is allowed into her cell, it's not long before Dominic arrives to tell her a few home truths...

Nikki : What do you want?
Dominic : I want to tell you something you need to know.
Nikki : Spare me.
Dominic : If you think that Helen's even remotely interested in me you're making a big mistake. I wish she was, because I'd be a lot better for her than you are.
Nikki : Oh I bet you would!
Dominic : Nikki, she's in love with you. She made me promise not to tell anyone and this is the only time I will, because for her sake you'd better believe it.
Nikki : You really are a saint aren't you?
Dominic : What?
Nikki : Are you saying she didn't flirt with you, saying she didn't make you think that you were in with a chance? How far did you get before the big confession huh? Or did that turn you on even more?
Dominic : It's all in your head Nikki


Dominic leaves the cell and it finally begins to dawn on Nikki that she's made a huge mistake.

Up in the visiting room, Shaz is totally unrepentant as she starts to explain why she did what she did...turns out that her manageress used to pick on her and she pulled the deal with the dodgy oysters to get her the sack, she hides her guilt behind bravado until Mrs Foster begins to pin her down with direct questions...in the end, Shaz admits that she was afraid of getting the sack because of what her step-dad might do to her...

Shaz : That's why I'm glad I'm in prison because he can't touch me now can he?

Mrs Foster listens to this and then tells her side of the story...

Mrs Foster : I bought those oysters for my husband for a treat, I was never very fussed about them myself but he used to love them with a bottle of stout. I don't remember you serving me, but you would've been gloating every time you served some wouldn't you, knowing that they were going to make someone sick? How could you do that?
Shaz : (Beginning to get upset) I said I'm sorry, d'int I?
Mrs Foster : No, you're kidding yourself dear, you've only got as far as feeling sorry for yourself! If you could've seen my poor Alfie...Don't ever think that old age makes you ready to die, when your time's running out it just makes it seem all that more precious. If you knew how much I miss him, you'd never forgive yourself, never!


The enormity of what she's actually done finally gets through to Shaz and she breaks down in tears.

A contrite Nikki begs to be able to see Helen, but Dominic informs her that she's supervising a special visit and can't be disturbed. Meanwhile, the Julies spot Nikki's bandaged hand and comment in typical Julies' style...

Julie J : 'Ere Nik! What you done to your hand?
Julie S : Anyone we know?


Nikki spots the tea-trolley and comes up with a cunning plan.

Up in the visiting room, Shaz is crying her eyes out...

Shaz : You hate me don't you?
Mrs Foster : No, I don't hate you but I hate what you did.


Di Barker pops her head round the door then and announces that the tea trolley has arrived. Helen almost does a double-take when she sees a repentant Nikki standing there in a very fetching pink pinny...in fact, Nikki looks so ridiculous that we're all sat there wondering how many takes it actually took to film that scene...Poor Nikki though, she's pissed off the love of her life and is forced to apologise whilst wearing a Mrs Mop outfit!!! Anyway, Nikki asks if she can have a word, and after leaving Dopey Di to supervise, Helen joins Nikki in the corridor...

Helen : What the hell are you doing here?
Nikki : Dominic told me what you said to him, I've been a total arsehole! I love you Helen and I know you love me.
Helen : No, no Nikki, you're too late! You said things I can't forget, I don't know how I feel about you anymore.
Nikki : Please...
Helen : No! Go and fall for someone else!


Helen returns to the visiting room leaving a heart-broken Nikki with a wobbly bottom lip, a bandaged hand and wearing the pinny from hell...bad day? You betcha!!

Down on the wing, after giving a cell a spin for drugs, Fenner is pulled to one side by Dominic who tells him that his wife is on the phone, Fenner, shocked, goes off to answer it...wonder what all that is about??

Anyway, the visit is over and Helen escorts Denny down to the toilets where Shaz is sobbing her little heart out now she's finally realised what she's done. Denny provides a shoulder to cry on and a few wise words (wise??? Denny???)...but, it's a touching scene, Denny declares her love for Shaz and holds her as she again dissolves into tears.

Crystal is still brooding over her imminent release. The Julies try to cheer her up, and Julie S suggests writing to Josh, in case he didn't have her release date. She takes up the idea but abandons the letter when Denny & Shaz return. Denny sees the discarded paper and looks thoughtful.

Karen pays a visit to Helen and asks her about Shaz's visit, Helen tell her that it went well and that 'she won't be making any more flip jokes about poisoning people'...Karen, not heeding the fact that Helen is obviously in a bad mood, decides to wind Helen up...

Karen : So where's he taking you tonight then?
Helen : Who?
Karen : Dominic.
Helen : Listen Karen, I just come to this bloody place to do a job, alright?


On the verge of tears, she departs the room leaving a stunned looking Karen in her wake.

Down on the wing, Barbara tries to comfort Nikki...

Barbara : Aren't you coming out of here at all tonight then?
Nikki : No.
Barbara : She'll be back at home now won't she?
Nikki : (tearfully) Probably
Barbara : At least you know she's still living and breathing in the same little part of the world as you. (Pauses for a moment and then hands Nikki a phonecard) You shouldn't give up.


Nikki follows Babara's advice and phones Helen, unfortunately, she gets the answer phone...

Helen : Hi, sorry I'm not here to answer your call, please leave your message after the tone. Thanks for calling.

Nikki leaves a tearful message...

Nikki : Hi it's me. Please pick up the phone if you're there. I'm not going to give up on you Helen, I can't. Just give me another chance. (we see the answer phone, then the camera pans back to show Helen standing by, listening) I can't believe this has happened to us, I...I know it's all my fault, but I've got to talk to you.

Nikki's voice breaks, and she hangs up just as Helen lifts the receiver.

Helen replaces the phone and then rewinds the message to play it again.

After lockup, Fenner arrives in Karen's office and she offers him 'one for the road', he tells her about Marilyn's phonecall earlier, it seems that she wants a divorce and they'll be selling the house. Fenner doesn't exactly sound bothered about it all, especially when he raises his glass and toasts freedom...the pair of them start snogging and a nation shouts... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Well, I did anyway...
 

Awards (by Helwader and Filbertfox)

Top Dog of the Week
Babs for being a good mate to Nikki and resisting the urge to strangle the stupid woman.

Helen for persuading Shaz to own up to her crimes and for allowing Denny to comfort her.

Mrs Foster (Elizabeth Bradley) for top acting abilities and for finally getting through to Shaz.

Twatting Twat of the week
Dom gets this one. Firstly for turning up at Helen's house late at night when she has better things to do, like think about Nikki *lol* Secondly, for picking up the bloody phone and dropping it, and if that was not enough the twat actually tries to snog our beloved Miss Stewart. Need I say more??

Helen for breaking Nikki's heart and then insisting that she treat her with the proper respect due to an employee of the Home Office - bit cold and heartless there Helen.

Karen for snogging Fenner and for breaking my heart!!! How could she????

Weedy Pigeon of the week
Dippy Di Barker. First she's all over Dom, showing that she has no shame and is quite prepared to look desperate. Then she is sucked in by Shaz's choking stunt and goes to Fenner for help, when she is unable to keep the situation under control. What a wimp.

Spin Doctor of the week
Saint Babs again. She's popular tonight. She deserves this I reckon for her efforts to help Nikki out with getting back with Helen, even lending her a precious phonecard so she can sort out her lovelife.

Worst Girl of the week
Bit controversial, but I do think Nikki behaved like an arse throughout most of the episode, and that's not even taking into consideration her fashion faux-pas - Woman in a Tabard *rofl*. She should learn to give poor Helen a break and stop acting so jealous and possessive.

Best Line of the week
Helen: "The only thing hot about it for me was the curry sauce" *lol*

And the scene in the dorm when Denny and Shaz are displaying their musical talents with Crystal's guitar: " me Lod." *lol*

Worst line of the week
Dippy Di Barker showing that she really isn't familiar with the concept of subtlety when asking Dom about his bike:

"I'd love to have a ride on it some time."

What can I say? ...the woman is pathetic.

Warring faction of the week
Hmm, I wonder who gets this award? *lol* The two tragic lovers of course, fighting and bickering all through the episode, not that I have a problem with that. Helen looks even more gorgeous when she's angry. *g*

Sight of the week
No contest. This would also have been my 'Irn-Bru spitting moment', Nikki in that pink pinny. Had me in stitches, and it beats me how Helen managed to keep a straight face, and with a taste in clothes like that, no wonder she dumped her. *lol*

Maud Grimes from Coronation Street (Mrs Foster) walking!!! Praise the Lord!

Larkhall Miracles and Mysteries
Well, for a start it's a mystery why I never threw up when I saw Nikki stab herself with that fork, I never could stand the sight of blood.

Anyhoo, there was one thing that bothered me about the episode though, how come no one batted an eye-lid when it was Nikki who arrived with the tray of refreshments at the meeting? A lapse in security methinks.

Oh yeah, and it's a bloody mystery why Nikki didn't get sentenced to another 5 years for wearing that unbelievably disgusting pink pinny. That's a bloody crime in my book. *lol*

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